Top 12 New Year’s Resolutions for 2016!

new-years-resolutions-2016

Time, once again, for those pesky New Year’s Resolutions! Although, we think these don’t sound very genuine, now, do they?

QUALITY TIME – Spend more quality time with the special people in my life, the loved ones who really matter, which, come to think of it, is pretty much me.
SELF-LOVE – Give myself permission to love myself again, and most importantly, act on it. Shower myself with affection on a frequent basis. Arrange romantic candlelight dinners with myself where I will read from sonnets proclaiming everlasting love and devotion to myself.
FINANCIAL – Sell all stocks and shift funds to online gambling sites that provide a more secure rate of return.
ADDICTIONS – Confront gambling addiction. No wait! That’s too confrontational. Nurture gambling addiction.
FASHION – Get a new look, or for that matter, get some sort of look.
COMMUNICATIONS – Improve my listening skills, or at least my “pretend to listen” skills, or maybe just nod my head once in a while.
NETWORKING – Work up to connecting to 10,000 new friends on Facebook. Ask each of them for a $1,000 loan secured by my Facebook wall.
CONSUMPTION – Consume less gasoline, and consume more ethanol – and any other alcohol-based liquid.
BAD HABITS – Get rid of some of those bad “around the home” habits – for example, when accidentally crushing a potato chip or corn flake that has fallen to the kitchen floor, grab a broom and actually sweep it up and throw it out – avoid the normal method of picking it up with my fingers and eating it.
GO GREEN – Emulate the Hollywood stars by doing something constructive about global warming – even if it is merely an empty, symbolic gesture.
POLITICS – Remove McCain-Palin poster from front lawn. That was so last decade.
VICES – Quit smoking once and for all. This should be doable as I do not presently smoke – always advisable to have at least one realistic resolution.